Oh, my. At the beginning of the year I said "I'll have a simplicity experiment every week this year and blog about it." This is not the first time I've made such a commitment. And it's not the first time I've failed at it. You would think I would learn. I just keep thinking, "This time it will be different!" Guess what? Not different.
So, my simplicity practice for the past.... four weeks.... is to let go of another failure. This particular failure is about a commitment to blog. But more broadly, letting go of failures is central to simplicity.
If I'm living in simplicity, I will fail. I will fail at:
1. Getting a new set of hubcaps for my car. Our car discards hubcaps like yesterday's Kleenex. Seriously, they never last more than a few months. We replaced them for a while - or, more accurately, a generous car dealership replaced them for free when we took the car in for an oil change. When they were gone again at the next oil change, I think the dealership gave up on us. Because we are choosing to live in simplicity, I will proudly not buy hubcaps. Which means I will also fail at...
2. Actually being okay with not buying hubcaps for my car. I know it's a waste of money. I know it's pointless and truly not a big deal. But still, every time I see another 2006 Toyota Corolla I check to see if that one also has the hubcap flaw. If I see bare wheels, I feel better about myself (See? They don't have hubcaps either! I'm okay!). If there are hubcaps, I feel the need to imagine that driver's life as one of endless hubcap replacements - that silly person! If they were as smart as me, they would proudly drive sans hubcaps! Oy.
3. My to-do lists. I will do my best to not overcommit myself, and I will screw it up. And then my to-do lists will be far too long and by the time I get to some of the things on them, they will be ancient history, and I'll cross them off because now they're pointless. And then I'll have to either tell someone I failed, or hope they don't notice. My blog will sit in silence for a month. I will fail.
4. Being everyone else. That person can exercise, and keep their house clean, and do a great job at work, and sleep, and spend time with friends, and keep up on the news, and, and, and. That person wrote a blog post literally days after she gave birth. And for all the sentiments that that person is not me, and I have things to give that are valuable that nobody else can give, and I don't know how much that person struggles - those sentiments are just hard to believe sometimes. Often. But if I'm living in simplicity, I will fail - utterly - to be that person. I'll fail at even tricking myself or others into thinking I'm that person.
Actually, none of these failures are there because I'm trying to live in simplicity. I would be failing at all this stuff whether I was seeking simplicity or not. Perhaps if someday I find true simplicity, that will mean that I've learned to accept these failures as valuable and good. Here's hoping.
Right now, at least I can accept that these failures are certain. And even though they still bother me, I know that God's vision of me is not one of failures. That's good enough for now.
